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日志


10月2日

And I never really liked Keats.

 

Ode to Psyche

O Goddess! hear these tuneless numbers, wrung
By sweet enforcement and remembrance dear,
And pardon that thy secrets should be sung
Even into thine own soft-conchéd ear:
Surely I dreamt to-day, or did I see
The wingéd Psyche with awakened eyes?
I wandered in a forest thoughtlessly,
And, on the sudden, fainting with surprise,
Saw two fair creatures, couchéd side by side
In deepest grass, beneath the whispering roof
Of leaves and trembléd blossoms, where there ran
A brooklet, scarce espied:
'Mid hushed, cool-rooted flowers, fragrant-eyed,
Blue, silver-white and budded Tyrian,
They lay calm-breathing on the bedded grass;
Their arms embraced, and their pinions too;
Their lips touched not, but had not bade adieu,
As if disjoinéd by soft-handed slumber,
And ready still past kisses to outnumber
At ender eye-dawn of aurorean love:
The wingéd boy I knew;
But who wast thou, O happy, happy dove?
His Psyche true!

O latest born and loveliest vision far
Of all Olympus' faded hierarchy!
Fairer than Phoebe's sappire-regioned star,
Or Vesper, amorous glow-worm of the sky;
Fairer than these, though temple thou hast none,
Nor altar heaped with flowers;
Nor virgin-choir to make delicious moan
Upon the midnight hours;
No voice, no lute, no pipe, no incense sweet
From chain-swung censer teeming;
No shrine, no grove, no oracle, no heat
Of pale-mouthed prophet dreaming.

O brightest! though too late for antique vows,
Too, too late for the fond believing lyre,
When holy were the haunted forest boughs,
Holy the air, the water, and the fire;
Yet even in these days so far retired
From happy pieties, thy lucent fans,
Fluttering among the faint Olympians,
I see, and sing, by mine own eyes inspired.
So let me be thy choir, and make a moan
Upon the midnight hours;
Thy voice, thy lute, thy pipe, thy incense sweet
From swingéd censer teeming --
Thy shrine, thy grove, thy oracle, thy heat
Of pale-mouthed prophet dreaming.

Yes, I will be thy priest, and build a fane
In some untrodden region of my mind,
Where branchéd thoughts, new grown with pleasant pain,
Instead of pines shall murmur in the wind:
Far, far around shall those dark-clustered trees
Fledge the wild-ridgéd mountains steep by steep;
And there by zephyrs, streams, and birdsm and bees,
The moss-lain Dryads shall be lulled to sleep;
And in the midst of this wide quietness
A rosy sanctuary will I dress
With the wreathed trellis of a working brain,
With buds, and bells, and stars without a name,
With all the gardener Fancy e'er could feign,
Who breeding flowers, will never breed the same:
And there shall be for thee all soft delight
That shadowy thought can win,
A bright torch, and a casement ope at night,
To let the warm Love in!


John Keats

6月27日

Another blinding quiz surprise.

Take this test at Tickle

You're a Physicist!

The Career Makeover
Brought to you by Tickle
 
Hrmm... check 1st degree.... NOPE,not me.
Check 2nd degree and preivous career. *ARSE* They categorised me!!!!!! Fuckers.
6月15日

Get out, stay out.

Dark-brow’d sophist, come not anear;
    All the place is holy ground;
Hollow smile and frozen sneer
          Come not here.
       Holy water will I pour
       Into every spicy flower
Of the laurel-shrubs that hedge it around.
The flowers would faint at your cruel cheer.
    In your eye there is death,
    There is frost in your breath
    Which would blight the plants.
    Where you stand you cannot hear
          From the groves within
          The wild-bird’s din.
In the heart of the garden the merry bird chants.
It would fall to the ground if you came in.
    In the middle leaps a fountain
          Like sheet lightning,
          Ever brightening
    With a low melodious thunder;
All day and all night it is ever drawn
    From the brain of the purple mountain
    Which stands in the distance yonder.
It springs on a level of bowery lawn,
And the mountain draws it from heaven above,
And it sings a song of undying love;
And yet, tho’ its voice be so clear and full,
You never would hear it, your ears are so dull;
So keep where you are; you are foul with sin;
It would shrink to the earth if you came in.
~Tennyson, The Poet's Mind.
5月9日

Limbo. No. Not with a pole, you fool!

 

The sole true Something--This ! In Limbo Den
It frightens Ghosts as Ghosts here frighten men--
For skimming in the wake it mock'd the care
Of the old Boat-God for his Farthing Fare ;
Tho' Irus' Ghost itself he ne'er frown'd blacker on,
The skin and skin-pent Druggist crost the Acheron,
Styx, and with Puriphlegethon Cocytus,--
(The very names, methinks, might thither fright us--)
Unchang'd it cross'd--& shall some fated Hour
Be pulveris'd by Demogorgon's power
And given as poison to annilate Souls--
Even now It shrinks them ! they shrink in as Moles
(Nature's mute Monks, live Mandrakes of the ground)
Creep back from Light--then listen for its Sound ;--
See but to dread, and dread they know not why--
The natural Alien of their negative Eye.

'Tis a strange place, this Limbo !--not a Place,
Yet name it so ;--where Time & weary Space
Fettered from flight, with night-mair sense of fleeing,
Strive for their last crepuscular half-being ;--
Lank Space, and scytheless Time with branny hands
Barren and soundless as the measuring sands,
Not mark'd by flit of Shades,--unmeaning they
As Moonlight on the dial of the day !
But that is lovely--looks like Human Time,--
An Old Man with a steady Look sublime,
That stops his earthly Task to watch the skies ;
But he is blind--a Statue hath such Eyes ;--
Yet having moon-ward turn'd his face by chance,
Gazes the orb with moon-like countenance,
With scant white hairs, with foretop bald & high,
He gazes still,--his eyeless Face all Eye ;--
As 'twere an organ full of silent Sight,
His whole Face seemeth to rejoice in Light !
Lip touching lip, all moveless, bust and limb,
He seems to gaze at that which seems to gaze on him !

No such sweet sights doth Limbo Den immure,
Wall'd round, and made a Spirit-jail secure,
By the mere Horror of blank Naught-at-all,
Whose circumambience doth these Ghosts enthral.
A lurid thought is growthless, dull Privation,
Yet that is but a Purgatory curse ;
Hell knows a fear far worse,
A fear--a future fate.--'Tis positive Negation !

Samuel Taylor Cloeridge.

4月7日

You either get it or you don't. ;)

Epistle II.
 

Know then thyself, presume not God to scan,
The proper study of mankind is man.
Plac'd on this isthmus of a middle state,
A being darkly wise, and rudely great:
With too much knowledge for the sceptic side,
With too much weakness for the Stoic's pride,
He hangs between; in doubt to act, or rest;
In doubt to deem himself a God, or beast;
In doubt his mind or body to prefer;
Born but to die, and reas'ning but to err;
Alike in ignorance, his reason such,
Whether he thinks too little or too much:
Chaos of thought and passion, all confus'd;
Still by himself abus'd or disabus'd;
Created half to rise, and half to fall;
Great lord of all things, yet a prey to all;
Sole judge of truth, in endless error hurl'd:
The glory, jest, and riddle of the world!

 

From An Essay on Man, Alexander Pope.

3月10日

Officially Schizoid

Apprently I'm schizoid with a no tendancies towards depenadance or avoidance. Now that explains a lot!!!!
 
 
 
3月1日

Thought of the Restless Day

Earth's Answer

Earth rais'd up her head,
From the darkness dread & drear,
Her light fled:
Stony dread!
And her locks cover'd with grey despair.

Prison'd on watry shore,
Starry jealousy does keep my den
Cold and hoar
Weeping o'er
I hear the father of the ancient men

Selfish father of men
Cruel jealous selfish fear
Can delight
Chain'd in night
The virgins of youth and morning bear.

Does spring hide its joy
When buds and blossoms grow?
Does the sower?
Sow by night?
Or the plowman in darkness plow?

Break this heavy chain,
That does freeze my bones around
Selfish! vain!
Eternal bane!
That free Love with bondage bound.
~Blake; Songs of Experience
1月16日

Must be Monday

The expense of spirit in a waste of shame
Is lust in action; and till action, lust
Is perjured, murderous, bloody, full of blame,
Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, not to trust;
Enjoy'd no sooner but despised straight;
Past reason hunted; and no sooner had,
Past reason hated, as a swallowed bait,
On purpose laid to make the taker mad:
Mad in pursuit, and in possession so;
Had, having, and in quest to have, extreme;
A bliss in proof, and proved, a very woe;
Before, a joy proposed; behind, a dream.

All this the world well knows; yet none knows well
To shun the heaven that leads men to this hell.
(Shakespeare Sonnet 129)
12月21日

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Goddamnmotherfucking fukers.
 
That's it.
 
Thank you for listening.
 
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
 
 
12月11日

I knew it..

 
which lesbian stereotype are you - go on u wana know!!

nice one, You are a BUTCH lesbian,
Take this quiz!

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12月1日

Gaynor's Eulogy.

My mother chose her sister's eulogy today.
She has the capacity to suprise me in the sweetest ways.
 
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day.
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
 
-Christina Rosesetti
 
11月29日

Ya Realy Wanted to Know?

1. Time of starting? 14:38
 
2. Were you named after anyone? My Grandmother.
 
3. Do you wish on stars? Only shooting stars.
 
4. When did you last cry? Sunday 6th November, 2005.
 
5. Do you like your handwriting? Nope, its legible and practical and scientific. Looks sheeaite.
 
6. What is your favourite meat? Duck.
 
7. Any bad habits?  Many.
 
8. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf? The Nemi Collection. Norwegian goth is baid. M'kay
 
 9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Yes. If I could understand me.
 
10. Are you a daredevil? Some days.
 
11. Have u ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Only once. Sorry Loli.
 
12. How many pople have u fancied and never told? I have no idea.
 
13. How do you release anger? I don't get angry. I get even.
 
14. Where is your second home? Duncan's.
 
15. Who is the craziest of all your friends? Sammie.
 
16. What was your favourite toy as a child? A swing.
 
 17. Strangest nightmare? Being chased by dark, oily creatures that stank of death and had no material substance at all. I'm sure they were out of the pits of hell. I had so much adrenalin running through my system, I couldn't move for about a minute after I woke up. That's possibly at the top of a very, very long list.
 
18. Nicest dream? Nope, I've tried and failed to think of one!
 
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Profusely.
 
20. Have you ever been in a posh house? Yup.
 
 21. Describe your taste of music? Heavy and angry. Apparently I'm repressed.
 
22. What do you look for in a guy? There is *nothing* worth looking for in men.
 
23. Would you bungee jump? No height is a fear I haven't conquered yet. Actually, hell ya. I would.
 
24. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yes
 
25. Ice cream flavour? Right now: mint choc chip.
 
26. Favourite number? 13, of course.
 
27. What are your favourite colours? Black and blue and red all over.
 
28. What is your least favourite thing? Getting up when I haven't slept.
 
29. What is your most favourite thing? Being with true friends.
 
30. How many ppl do u have a crush on right now? I don't remember the last time I had a crush!
 
 31. What do you miss most right now? Having my own place.
 
32. What colour underwear are you wearin? Red red red baby.
 
33. What are you listening to right now? Prison Sex by Tool.
 
34. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Steel Grey.
 
35. What is the weather like right now? I haven't got a clue due the windowless orifice that I am sat in.
 
36. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Socially: my mother, who is apparently cooler than me. And off her rocker.
 
37. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? I notice that they don't have tits.
 
38. Do you like the person who sent you this? They're a random stranger. So probably.
 
39. How are you today? Quietly seething in my little pit of rage over the futility of existence.
 
40. Favorite drink? Caffe Met Hazelatte. Milk of the gods.
 
41. Favourite alcoholic drink? Laphraoig whisky. Or any good single malt, preferably with a peaty taste.
 
42. What is your favourite sport? Jujitsu in most incarnations.
 
43. Natural hair colour? Indiscriminately muddy.
 
44. Eye colour? Me? I'm a green eyed monster.
 
45. Wear contacts? Just the one.
 
46. Siblings? One adopted big bro.  
 
47. Favourite month? May.
 
48. Favourite food? I love all food. Which is why I'm 7 stone???  Maybe vegetable curry.
 
49. Last movie you watched? The Corpse Bride.
 
from matthew smiuth
11月28日

Requiescat

TREAD lightly, she is near  
  Under the snow,  
Speak gently, she can hear  
  The daisies grow.  
  
All her bright golden hair          5
  Tarnished with rust,  
She that was young and fair  
  Fallen to dust.  
  
Lily-like, white as snow,  
  She hardly knew   10
She was a woman, so  
  Sweetly she grew.  
  
Coffin-board, heavy stone,  
  Lie on her breast,  
I vex my heart alone   15
  She is at rest.  
  
Peace, Peace, she cannot hear  
  Lyre or sonnet,  
All my life’s buried here,  

  Heap earth upon it.

 

Oscar Wilde.

 

11月25日

Looking Beautiful

I never thought that someone who is dying could look beautiful. Everything you hear says that the cancer racks your body. She just looks beautiful. I know it's the temperature that gives her the rosy glow, it's the cancer and the organ failure that's darkened her eyes but as she lies there, she looks more beautiful now than I ever remember.
 
I've seen pictures of her as a girl and a young woman and she was indeed stunning. Dark and rosy and full. Its as if she's returning to the essesnce of herself. It is true that she is the sweetest woman I have ever known. The people continually going into and out of the ward over these last few days have been a testament to her nature.
 
Each day there is a little less. Each night is the hardest. Everyone leaves with the assurance that they will see her and each other in the morning. Each one of us affirming that she will not leave in the night and we will have a little more time to watch her slip away. Each one of us casting the same worried glance at her husband as he watches relentlessly in the chair at her left hand side, holding the hand closest to her heart which beats too fast for a woman so ill and on so much morphine.
 
There has been so much laughter around her bed. There always has been laughter around her. Now she's surrounded by it as people talk around her, putting off the uncomfortable silences when everyone stops and catches sight of her sleeping face.  She hears the laughter. She complains each time the phone rings. She hears the talk. I don't know where she believes she is right now, or where the pain and the morphine have put her; possibly she believes she is still at home. I hope the laughter is the sound she hears the most and that she realises that the laughter is the sound that she has bought to the world.
 
Maybe it will be tonight. She's failed a lot in the last 48 hours. Its a lingering process and the vigil of family and friends has gone on for days. She stopped finally drinking 2 days ago. How her body persists, I do not know.
 
So I will stop writing this. I will stop avoiding the inevitable. I will stop inviting the inevitable to happen while I am late to the hospital, in hope that I will not have to see it. Or to see the rest of the family watching it.
 
I'm gone.
11月16日

Thought of the Day

WITCHCRAFT BY A PICTURE.
by John Donne

fix mine eye on thine, and there
    Pity my picture burning in thine eye ;
My picture drown'd in a transparent tear,
    When I look lower I espy ;
        Hadst thou the wicked skill
By pictures made and marr'd, to kill,
How many ways mightst thou perform thy will?

But now I've drunk thy sweet salt tears,
    And though thou pour more, I'll depart ;
My picture vanished, vanish all fears
    That I can be endamaged by that art ;
        Though thou retain of me
One picture more, yet that will be,
Being in thine own heart, from all malice free.
11月15日

Thought of the Day

Hateful is the dark-blue sky,  
Vaulted o'er the dark-blue sea.   
Death is the end of life; ah, why  
Should life all labour be?  
Let us alone. Time driveth onward fast,  
And in a little while our lips are dumb.  
Let us alone. What is it that will last?   
All things are taken from us, and become  
Portions and parcels of the dreadful Past.  
Let us alone. What pleasure can we have  
To war with evil? Is there any peace  
In ever climbing up the climbing wave?   
All things have rest, and ripen toward the grave  
In silence; ripen, fall and cease:  
Give us long rest or death, dark death, or dreamful ease.
Tennyson, The Lotos Eaters
11月14日

Thought of the Day

I don't update this enough.
 
Thought of the day. Guaranteed to last for one day only. :@)
 
Human Abstract  (W. Blake)
Pity would be no more
If we did not make somebody poor,
And Mercy no more could be
If all were as happy as we.

And mutual fear brings Peace,
Till the selfish loves increase;
Then Cruelty knits a snare,
And spreads his baits with care.

He sits down with holy fears,
And waters the ground with tears;
Then Humility takes its root
Underneath his foot.

Soon spreads the dismal shade
Of Mystery over his head,
And the caterpillar and fly
Feed on the Mystery.

And it bears the fruit of Deceit,
Ruddy and sweet to eat,
And the raven his nest has made
In its thickest shade.

The gods of the earth and sea
Sought through nature to find this tree,
But their search was all in vain:
There grows one in the human Brain.
8月29日

I am so BORED

I am very, very bored.
 
I broke my foot last Monday. To be precise someone else broke it be folding it in two for me. I need to come to terms with the fact that I am neary 30, 5'1" and 7st and that I should not attempt to take on pro cage fighters in training. Especially the young ones who have a lot left to learn!!!!!
 
Damn.